From "Apples from the Orchard," distillations of the Arizal on the Parsha, and Rebbe Nachman's "Likutey Moharan" the subject matter of male/female relationships, sexuality, rectifications and blatant misunderstanding arising from our tendency to anthropomorphize just about anything we humans can.
Liliths, demons of distorted sexuality, the destruction of worlds, the shattering of lives and the generations of consequences that each and every thought, word, and act that we permit ourselves has wrought. By "us" of course I mean the human race, and there's enough examples of all of the above in the so-called "secular" world to fill oceans of tears.
But in the "religious" world, how much worse - how much more a person's trust is shattered when done in the name of "G*d" (l'havdil!!!) and how possible it is for someone to be just a little bit mad at G*d for letting something like this happen ....
Well, I haven't exactly been MAD at G*d, after all He's taken tremendous care of me throughout this ordeal, but I HAVE wondered why G*d hasn't de-friended my Ex Husband from His FB page. After all G*d, how can You be FB Friends with BOTH of us? Especially since we've both BLOCKED each other on FB, I can't see if You "like" his posts and he can't see if You "like" mine.
OK, just kidding, sort of.
Today during Shabbos for the first time since "all this" has happened, I remembered that even though a certain person is a dangerously narcissistic, delusional control freak with a messianic complex and a 12-string guitar he STILL is a Jew, and because of that one tiny but true fact alone, I have to stop forever, once and for all, all thoughts that end in "Why is he still walking around on this earth?"
Because, it's NONE OF MY BUSINESS anymore. Baruch HaShem. Even more important, it's important for me to remember that it's my wildly insulted outraged self talking, and she would DELETE him if she could.
I guess I'll know if I've moved on to another, more mature and spiritually developed, emotionally mature level when I'm walking down the street here in Tzfat and I see him coming in the other direction and immediately my stomach does NOT turn violently painful, making me want to double over and retch. Because that's what usually happens. So when that stops happening, I'll know I've been elevated.
Until then - OK G*d, I understand Your awesome love and compassion, it's ok with me if You are FB friends with him and whomever else You like.
Which is one of the millions of reasons it's good that G*d is G*d, and I'm not! :)
